How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

This book is a timeless classic that I’ve read so many times over the years. Some classics are meant to be read and reread, and Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is certainly one of them. As Francis Bacon famously said, “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.” Carnegie’s book falls into the category that should be chewed and digested, as its wisdom remains relevant and impactful even decades after its first publication in 1936.

Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” published in 1936, remains one of the most influential books in the field of personal development and self-improvement. The book’s timeless principles continue to inspire individuals seeking to enhance their interpersonal skills and achieve success in both personal and professional relationships.

Dale Carnegie, born in 1888 in Missouri, began his career as a salesman before becoming a well-known lecturer on self-improvement, salesmanship, and interpersonal skills. His profound understanding of human nature and his ability to communicate complex ideas in an accessible manner have made his teachings enduringly popular. Carnegie’s methods emphasize genuine empathy, active listening, and sincere appreciation, which he believed were the cornerstones of building meaningful and productive relationships.

In “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Carnegie distils his insights into practical advice that anyone can apply to become more persuasive, and influential. This outline will explore the key principles from Carnegie’s classic work, offering valuable lessons on how to navigate social interactions with grace and effectiveness.

The book is divided into four parts and each part carries priceless principles on life:

• PART ONE – Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
  • PRINCIPLE 1 – Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  • PRINCIPLE 2 – Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • PRINCIPLE 3 – Arouse in the other person an eager want.

• PART TWO – Ways to Make People Like You
  • PRINCIPLE 1 – Become genuinely interested in other people.
  • PRINCIPLE 2 – Smile.
  • PRINCIPLE 3 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • PRINCIPLE 4 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • PRINCIPLE 5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  • PRINCIPLE 6 – Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

• PART THREE – How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
  • PRINCIPLE 1 -The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  • PRINCIPLE 2 -Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  • PRINCIPLE 3 – If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  • PRINCIPLE 4 – Begin in a friendly way.
  • PRINCIPLE 5 – Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  • PRINCIPLE 6 – Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  • PRINCIPLE 7 – Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  • PRINCIPLE 8 – Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • PRINCIPLE 9 – Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires.
  • PRINCIPLE 10 – Appeal to the nobler motives.
  • PRINCIPLE 11 – Dramatize your ideas.
  • PRINCIPLE 12 – Throw down a challenge.

• PART FOUR – Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
  • PRINCIPLE 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  • PRINCIPLE 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  • PRINCIPLE 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  • PRINCIPLE 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  • PRINCIPLE 5 – Let the other person save face.
  • PRINCIPLE 6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  • PRINCIPLE 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • PRINCIPLE 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • PRINCIPLE 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing yous uggest.

Ten Things this book will help you achieve:

1. Build Better Relationships: Learn how to connect with others genuinely and form strong, lasting relationships.
2. Improve Communication Skills: Develop effective listening and speaking skills to communicate more clearly and persuasively.
3. Increase Influence: Gain the ability to influence others positively and encourage cooperation and collaboration.
4. Enhance Social Skills: Become more adept at navigating social situations and making a good impression on others.
5. Boost Confidence: Build self-confidence in interacting with people in both personal and professional settings.
6. Resolve Conflicts: Learn techniques for handling disagreements and conflicts constructively and peacefully.
7. Motivate Others: Discover ways to inspire and motivate people, leading to better teamwork and productivity.
8. Gain Respect: Earn respect and admiration through sincere actions and words.
9. Negotiate Successfully: Develop skills for negotiating and finding mutually beneficial solutions in various situations.
10. Achieve Personal and Professional Success: Apply Carnegie’s principles to achieve greater success and fulfilment in both your personal life and career.

Some bytes from the book:

• Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment…Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

• When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

• Everybody likes a compliment. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

• Charles Schwab said “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

• One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation, Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse.

• Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.

• If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

It has been a treat going through the book every time I pick it up to read. I hope you get the gist of the message that is being conveyed in this book.